Insecticide

There was a ladybug on my bed with it's innards gone, just a tiny husk of a shell and some legs, still moving for hours. I thought it died on the side of my bed until I saw it now. I tried to flick it off and it just twitched, and I shuddered and then hit it off with the remote. I'm afraid of killing things. I can touch a thing that is very living but not dead things or wounded things. I can't slap mosquitoes with my bare hands. It takes all my will just to smack one to death with a book. I'm terrified of stepping on something, alive or dead, and feeling it crunch beneath my foot. I have strange dreams about millipedes...